Change

Everything is about to change,

I’m no longer on my own.

I’m glad I let go of all the pain,

there’s no room for any sadness to grow.

I left the darkness behind,

and I’ll never look back.

Now truth is on my side,

and I don’t want your lies back.

Temptation has come,

but it shouldn’t even bother.

I’m too stubborn to let it through,

I won’t let it go any farther.

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Resilience

Don’t tell me your thoughts if they ain’t facts, I’m not looking to believe in your lies.

Don’t tell me you’re fine when you’re really a mess, I’m not looking to waist anymore time.

If you can’t see the truth, there’s no point in us talking, I’m no longer a fool looking for love.

If you can’t handle me now, don’t try and come back later, I’m only getting stronger with help from above.

A Bench By The Lake

I had been anticipating this moment for about four years.

The chance to talk to you and have a conversation that would make me feel free again.

I know I said I wanted to talk to you about what happened…so here it goes.

 

The night before the retreat approached, as I pondered my thoughts of the upcoming weekend, I was excited to know that in less than 24 hours, I would be in the midst of your presence.

I called your house that night wondering if you would answer as my legs shook because I had not dialed those digits in years. I mistakingly thought that this was the moment that God planned out for us to finally open up about things.

I drove up that morning thinking God had my back and that if one thing didn’t pull through, He had a plan.

As we started off our weekend, every time I saw you, all I wanted was that piece inside of me to finally brew.

That night in our cabin, I was nervous to even approach you, knowing that through all these years I lost all I knew about you and all the times we shared were gone. I was no longer a friend, just another girl in the cabin.

As our cabin started to quiet down, I cried myself to sleep that night knowing that I would never have the guts to talk to you and things would never be the same between us again. The person I felt so distant from was just a breath underneath me. All the thoughts seemed to consume my brain as I just wanted to wake you up and go talk with you outside, but I couldn’t do it.

The next morning came and we ate breakfast together. Things were uncomfortable for me as I sat right next to you, the most shy and nervous I had ever been. I had the feeling that I wasn’t good enough to be by your side and in our conversation every word that came from my mouth was being judged. I felt as if you had better people to sit next to than someone like me who had put you through some stupid stuff.

As breakfast ended, someone pulled me aside and asked how my experience was. I wanted to talk to him about what was really going on, but I didn’t. In the middle of our conversation was when the emotions were too much and I just began to break down in tears. I said I was okay and walked out of the mess hall onto a bench by the lake.

That’s when you came along…

As I sat there crying, I was angry with God and asked for any kind of help, and He came through.

You came up to me asking what was wrong and I ignored you.

Why would I send you away when what I had longed for was sitting right next to me?

After you left, the tears only came faster, and my pain just felt deeper.

For so long, I just wanted you by my side and I finally got that, but I sent you away.

I Wonder

Sometimes I wonder if people are looking because they see joy.

I look around and I see eyes. I look up and I see a smile.

The world makes it seem like joy doesn’t exist. People are so lost and they are okay with it!

Why is it people are so lost?

Has the devil really done that good of a job?

I really think people’s eyes need to be opened.

Nothing Without You

I wish I could tell you this all makes sense. But writing this makes everything intense. Knowing you’re listening and hearing my words, fights me and haunts me until it hurts. Do me a favor and listen in, understanding the tough situation I’m in. It all started when I thought I knew, that fate put together us two. Troubled and worried, with a grin on my face, love had caught me in a warm embrace. There’s nothing that stands in the middle of this, nothing but connection and the feel of a kiss. Something could stop me, if I let it win but I know that everything comes from within. So grab me and tell me everything’s alright, I’ll trust you and love you, and make things right. Forgive me for all I’ve said, I know I’ve run, before this I know not what I’ve done. Whining and crying, I’ve given excuses, but nothing surpasses those foolish refuses. So love me, everyone deserves another chance, but not so much if love has passed. I know it may be something you can’t look back on, but believe in your heart and have something to lean back on. Call me crazy, any name you want. I’m ready and willing to move this along. One simple big breath is all it takes to get this started, leaving off the brakes. This dream has caught me by surprise but I’ve strapped myself in for the ride. Without the belt I have everything to loose, but everything means nothing without you.